Things I would never say: “If someone is harmful to you on purpose—emotionally, physically, or spiritually—Jesus wants you to forgive that person—meaning you have to continue spending lots of time with him/her. Make yourself a doormat. It is your purpose in life to allow someone to suck the vitality from you in order to feel better (temporarily) while you feel horrible and endure mental torture.” 

I would not say this because it’s cruel, dehumanizing and untrue. Forgiveness is a healthy part of life and relationships. However, it does not mean allowing someone to abuse or trap you in an unhealthy power dynamic.  

It would be cruel to tell someone God wants her to be treated like this. I would never say these things to someone I love. So in the past, why did I stay in horrible situations because I thought God wanted it? Why didn’t I advocate for basic dignity as a human being in unjust situations? Because somehow I learned forgiveness meant allowing others to have power to harm me while I remained weak. I was afraid Jesus would be offended if demonstrated strength and refused to allow harm against myself. I learned demanding dignity and human rights was sinful. I learned to honor those who wanted to control or hurt me instead of honoring God and the life He gave me. I somehow thought honoring Christian leadership and serving others meant allowing myself to be taken advantage of.  

Eventually I walked away. God didn’t get angry or abandon me. I jumped out of a vicious cycle, not knowing where I would land or what would happen. God caught me. He helped me heal (still healing) and forgive my offenders—meaning I am not seeking vengeance or harm against them. Also meaning I do not spend time with people who disrespect and hurt others. I take steps to ensure my physical and mental safety. This isn’t rebellion or sin. This is love and wisdom because I am a human being created in God’s image. I find comfort and courage reading about the times Jesus stood up for women and valued them. The scriptures are full of beautiful stories of God helping women. Jesus, please give me strength and wisdom to know how to care for myself and extend care to women around me who need to hear how much You truly value them.