As I laid in bed the issues of the last months seemed to crawl in with me: my mom’s death, two moves, making a new house livable, our work with future global workers, travel to another country, hurt in our adult kids, and how to help others raise support. They all scrambled for the covers and kicked me for space. My mind and body fought back, and in the midst of the struggle the sleep I longed for jerked out of bed and stormed away. 

I remained there tired and defeated. His words came to me “Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you…” Ahhhh, I thought. I’d heard this verse for years, but recently I had heard it more often. I knew He was trying to redirect my thoughts; redirect my purpose.

I was to take His yoke upon me. Maybe all of you know this (it is an often-taught passage), but as an ox grows a yoke is often replaced to fit the animal’s growing girth. The yoke is made to the ox’s current measurements and sanded over and over to prevent areas of chafing. Could it be, I thought, that some of the challenges in my life weren’t actually from God and therefore they weren’t part of the yoke He had for me? (Worrying about my kids immediately jumped into my mind.) Or, I mused, were parts of this yoke exactly what He had orchestrated, but because I didn’t see His purpose in the situation, I bucked the very help He tried to give? (Grief entered my thoughts.)

It seemed too simple really. I was supposed to become a learner again, like my grandkids–big eyed and watching, asking and trusting. I didn’t need to prove myself or pretend I knew it all. I could relax in the yoke He’d designed and walk next to Him as He carried the load. He would show me the way to help others raise support, live with grief, pray and not worry about my kids, do another transition, etc. IF I stopped changing directions and fighting His purpose. 

My pillow felt comfy as my shoulders relaxed and my breathing steadied. I didn’t hear it happen, but sometime soon after I’d thought about His word, the sleep that had stomped out of my bed quietly tiptoed back in.