We weren’t clearly “called” to Africa. That I know of. 

Maybe God will correct my thinking in the future. But there my husband and I were in Little Rock, with four little kids (youngest two and a half), contemplating whether or not to, you know, sell 70% of our stuff and wheel our bags to a continent I was sure was buzzing with malaria and typhoid. 

Still, I was thrilled. Africa was a dream come true. And as we discussed it, my husband’s words startled me. 

“I don’t know that this is a ‘obey or disobey’ kind of thing.” I.e., Eaten by some fish if we didn’t go? Unlikely. “I think God is giving us a choice. It’s more like our alabaster box. It would just be a beautiful act of worship to Him.” 

I’m not the kind of person who’s ever heard an audible voice from God. Yes, I know His voice. That’s not to say that I, being 100% human and flawed, don’t get that Voice jumbled up with attitudes and “shoulds” artfully cloaked by my subtly conniving, still-in-process heart. 

Sometimes? I get it wrong. 

I know sometimes get frustrated by ambiguity and all the things I don’t know; all the things God doesn’t tell me. I’ll obey! I promise! I just want to know what he wants me to do. 

But there’s an “alabaster box” in the creative choices He gives. I don’t have any “God told me” to offer questioning friends (although those words can be a conversation killer…the ultimate Christian Rubber Stamp. Who wants to offer pushback to, well, God?).

Honestly, sometimes I feel the temptation to add clarity for God out of my own fear or lack of comfort. But I find Peter Scazzero’s cautionary words poignant as I steer away from waiting, struggling, or utilizing the choices God’s joyfully given me: “I, like Abraham, had birthed many ‘Ishmaels’ in my attempt to help God’s plan move forward more efficiently.” 

Francis Chan once acknowledged that he was only about 70% confident of what God wanted him to do in a major decision he’d described, and about 90% in marrying his wife. Instead, he talks about “prinking”—praying and thinking about what the mind of God would be on this.

This recalled for me the words of Mother Theresa: “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”

Some of our decisions are simply the option to love elaborately. 

What’s your alabaster box?