I thought I was giving a gentle suggestion to change into clothes that match, but my pre-teen didn't see it that way. I tried to point out that all the other girls would be dressed up, their hair and makeup would be done, and without telling my daughter she looked a mess… I was trying to tell my daughter she looked a mess. 

“You always tell me I shouldn't care what people think!” she wailed as she stomped into her room, presumably to change her clothes. 

I'm walking a fine line here, and I know it. Where we live Americans are often known for being “casual and comfortable,” nice words for frumpy and sloppy, and that can easily be viewed as dishonorable to our hosts. But deep down, I know this isn't why I'm asking my daughter to dress up a little. I just want her, and by extension me, to be accepted.  

Living as an obvious outsider, it's easy for me to fall into the trap of chasing after acceptance. Part of our calling is to change and adapt our language, our clothing, our habits, even our personalities in order to best communicate the message of the life changing power of God's grace that we have experienced. But, at least for me, it's easy to forget the end goal, and to focus so much on just wanting everyone to like and accept me...for me. 

I love what Grammy award winning rapper Lecrae writes in his book Unashamed, “if you live for people's acceptance, you'll die from their rejection.”  

The end goal can't be the acceptance. 1 Peter 2:9 tells us why we have been chosen, it's to “declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness and into His wonderful light.” That is why we learn language, change the way we dress, learn new ways of cooking and hosting – not just to be liked and welcomed as part of the group, but to have an opportunity to share the incredible gift we've been given in Christ. We have been accepted by God, chosen by Him to declare His praises.